Practice feeling her

About me

I inspire new possibilities to deepen love, intimacy and self-expression. I mainly write articles about that, but you'll also find refrences on design, fitness and finance. More

It’s so simple to do, yet I often forget or don’t realise how much it means to you. It’s profound the way I can keep experiencing you both anew and deeper whenever I’m simply willing to. I promise to keep returning my attention to you and take you in as you are. My practice of doing so is to focus on receiving you through one of my senses at a time. I can do this at any time and any place, but it helps if I’m in a sensually rich experience to begin with, for example sitting in the sauna.

Sound I close my eyes to focus on the sounds you offer to me. I hear the water being poured over hot rocks. It sizzles as it turns to steam. As I focus I become more familiar with the sounds than ever before. I go beyond identifying and labeling the sizzling and really feel the details of it. I notice how long the sound lasts and how it changes in tone and volume over time. I stretch out the seconds to really take them in. When the sizzling fades other sounds come to the fore. They come in one after another as if entering a stage where they perform for me. An inhalation, an exhalation, a door opening, a brush of a towel. As gratitude I give your sounds each the attention they deserve. This is my way of giving you the love that you deserve. Sometimes the sounds perform together and I can feel which is louder and which are barely audible. I try to feel how far away their sources are and I stay here as long as I feel is necessary. My rule of thumb however is that I can’t leave as long as I have a desire to leave because that’s a sign I’m still rejecting you. Only when I feel I can stay with you forever do I end my practice or move on to another sense.


I move on to focusing on your smells. Have essential oils been used or are you offering me smells of old, wet wood and body odors? Whichever it is, it doesn’t matter. I do not complain. Not because I don’t want to show you my honest reactions, but because this session isn’t about about my preferences. This session is just about me learning to love you and enjoying you for who you are. Just as with the sounds, I go beyond identifying them and really take them in. I breathe deep to let your smells fill my lungs. I let all of you inside, without judgment or discrimination. I imagine the smells having color and I let them leave their marks inside me so that I may keep a part of you with me always. You paint bright reds and sparkling yellows on my otherwise dark canvas. I allow myself to be affected by you, sometimes being reminded of a memory, a word, a place. But I don’t dwell, and instead come back to my senses and your smells. I explore you with my nose. I search for more because I don’t want to leave any of your gifts unopened. I know how much that hurts you and I’m sorry. During this session I’m determined to make up for all the unreceived gifts of our past. I don’t want to be picky, I want to be greedy. My mistake was never that I wanted too much from you, but that I wanted too little of you.


You don’t usually offer me tastes unless I’m actually eating you but to the extent that I can, I want to feel you here as well. I always taste at least something. There’s always something there I haven’t paid much attention to until now. If need be I take a sip of water. Even water has a flavor if I pay attention to it. Your tastes are often close to your smells. So I breathe in with my mouth to catch you scents not only with my nose. Best of all is of course when I do have you in my mouth. Then I dive into your flavors. That’s when I do my best to go beyond what I even have words to describe. You are more than I have words for. My mind and senses will never be enough to fully comprehend you, but that won’t stop me from trying.


When I move on to touch, the first thing I always notice is my weight on my seat and my feet on the floor. Then I notice the sensations on my palms. As I move my attention up my arm I notice I’m touching someone. I immediately let go of any hesitation not to enjoy it. There’s no deeper meaning at play here, it’s only a sensation. I feel the temperature of it and compare it to other parts of my body. I feel how the temperatures change as cold and warm winds brush by. I decided to focus more on the details and I learn that I can feel the drops of sweat on my body. I feel them move. Sometimes I lay all my attention on a single drop, sometimes I see how many drops’ movement I can track simultaneously. The seat to my other side is empty so I slide my hand down and touch the material of the seat. What does it reveal? Something about its age? Where it’s travelled from to get here? I touch it like it’s the very first time I encounter it, and in a way it is. I never want to take you for granted. I know you change and I’m open to discover how. I also know parts of you stays the same and I never want to let myself get bored by them.


Now I open my eyes. But only barely, as to take in the broad strokes before the detail. I don’t want to be too quick to see objects, but rather I want to see colors and shapes. I see how the light sources shower the darkness. I see the pockets of shadow hiding from the light. I see contrast. I open my eyes a bit more and feel as if I’m looking at a painting. One that you’ve poured your heart and soul into making for me. I see strokes of color and notice which ones are there just as much as those that aren’t. I can tell the mood you’re in by the pallet you’ve used this time. Whatever it is, I’m curious about it. You don’t need to ask me what I want to see because my answer is resolutely “you.” When I see familiar objects, patterns, shapes and materials I ask myself what’s unique about them in this particular painting. Sometimes there’s movement and I notice where in the frame it’s occurring. I witness it all and with time I see what changes and what doesn’t.

Last updated 20 October, 2019


I inspire new possibilities to deepen love, intimacy and self-expression. I mainly write articles about that, but you'll also find refrences on design, fitness and finance. More

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